Under Pressure

Every sharp intake of breath
Breaking into my lungs,
Like glass thrown on the floor,
Is spread to my muscles,
Little shards moving through my veins.
It hurts to keep moving,
To keep breathing,
To keep going forward.
But I know I must continue.
I must keep going, not disappoint
The people I know who are watching me
Their eyes like lasers
Scanning me like a barcode
Finding weaknesses
Vulnerabilities
A liability.
I can’t be that.
I need to be more
I need to prove to them,
No… to myself
That I can live up
To whatever they throw at me.

Every push forward
I can feel my muscles
They are failing
No, one more second
I hastily grasp at my energy
And use it up
I can keep going this way.
But it is like I never begged my mind,
My muscles,
My arms and legs,
To keep going.
Just a couple more minutes,
A couple more seconds
A couple more steps.

I collapse.

My knees buckling under me
My legs too weak to hold me up.
I fall to the ground
And there I lie
I secretly hope that everyone can see
How hard I’m trying.
How much I want this.
How much I want to be more. I
But with a single pat on my shoulder
They all leave
And I’m left to drown
In disappointment.