Alone

It is quite funny how something simple,
So simple in both nature and action,
Can make you feel so utterly
Alone.

Something simple like
Your friends all having time to be together
But no time to be with you.

Something simple like
Your friends smiling and laughing
While you fight the unhappiness inside you
That they don’t seem to notice.

Something as simple as
Not being invited to a party
Because they “exceeded the limit they could invite.”

Something as simple as
Always following behind, one step away
But as you slow to a stop
They don’t turn to make sure you are still okay.

It is quite angering and upsetting
To always have to wonder why.
Why it seems like you aren’t important enough
To keep them company.
Why you will never be good enough
To truly be their friend.
Why you will always be left behind
When you want so much to take part in it.
Why you are always just “average” enough
To never make a lasting impression.

How is one supposed to be
Magnificent, noticeable, brilliant,
Without having to tell a single lie?

How is one supposed to be
Caring, kind, and always giving,
Without receiving a single thing?

How am I supposed to be
Okay and love who I am if all I see
In the mirror is a reflection of insecurities?

How am I supposed to be
Who you know I can be deep inside
If all you do is cage me and lock me up
As if you are afraid if anyone else sees
My shine they will take, my ego left behind
And I will be gone without a trace.

How can anyone live day to day like this?
How did I live day to day like this?
How can anyone stand to be oppressed all the time?
How did I live an oppressed life?
Why don’t they do something about it?
Why don’t I get out of it?

Questions I heard around me
Replies kept in my head.
My life passed by in blurs
Nothing ever made much sense.
And before I knew it,
Before I could fix this shattered glass inside me.
Everyone had already left me in their despair.